The Recipe For The Perfect Friendship

Due to my dad’s job when I was growing up, I moved internationally every three to four years, and while I loved the excitement that lifestyle brought, leaving dear friends behind never got any easier. In the months and years after so many fresh hellos and tearful goodbyes, I learned a lot about what it takes to build and maintain a friendship – lessons that have proven to be lifesavers in adulthood, particularly through a pandemic! And perhaps more importantly still, I learned to savor every moment spent with my best friends. The landscape of our lives has evolved since many of us became parents, but the support, love and ability to laugh together has only grown stronger.

Though recent years have seen many of us moving (again) all over the place and we haven’t been physically reunited in quite some time, my besties and I always pick up right where we left off. Social psychology tells us that proximity is the strongest predictor of friendship; the closer you live to another person, the more likely you are to be friends with them. But a new, nationwide survey from Zulily revealed that nearly half of moms say they have only seen their friends two times or fewer in the last year. It’s true that proximity can be important in the initial days of getting to know someone to build trust and share experiences. But I have found that once the friendship is established, proximity – or the lack of it – is only a barrier if you allow it to be. This, to me, is the sign of a truly rooted friendship: the willingness on both sides to remain present and supportive, regardless of distance. And sharing good memes never hurts!

While all of this reflection on the art of friendship has me feeling sappy and sentimental, here’s what I love the most about my besties across the globe:

Friends make me laugh like no one else

And not just giggle – I’m talking head back, mouth open, sore abdominals, smeared mascara-level laughter. Given that laughter boosts the immune system, decreases stress hormones, and can even lead to a longer life, having friends with a good sense of humor is indeed the best medicine.

Being together brings us joy no matter where we are or what we’re doing

Kicking back at home in sweats and dirty hair? It’s still a party. All dressed up and ready for a Girls’ Night Out (or, as is more often the case now, Moms’ Night Out)? It is definitely a party. Because so many of my most meaningful adult friendships were forged in Italy, a good glass of wine often plays a central role in our get-togethers. We might not be visiting Tuscan vineyards together right now, but even over a Zoom call, a little vino elevates the experience and takes us back to a treasured time in our lives. Eager to see their best friends again, girls’ nights out and happy hours at home are ranking as the top ways moms plan to reunite; 40% of moms say the first thing they plan to do when reuniting with friends include planning a girls’ night out.

There’s nothing we can’t share with each other

One of my favorite things about my dearest friends is their capacity to be profoundly honest and open, and to create the safety for me to be open as well. Not only does this pave the way for further bonding, but expressing our emotions and feelings in trusted company helps us see our problems in a new light, release our own frustrations, and gain support and reassurance when we need them most. There’s no such thing as TMI around here, and that’s an incredibly freeing realization!

Their sense of adventure inspires me

Many of my dearest friends have an uncommon appetite for new experiences and adventures, and I love them for it. It takes an audacious spirit to move somewhere new, to take on new jobs or hobbies, to make the transition to parenthood or any other stage of life. Being around those who are fearless in the face of novelty helps me feel braver in my own journey, and it also ensures that there’s never a dull moment when we’re together.

They’re kind and loving people

At the end of the day, there’s no substitute for having best friends who truly strive to be good people. Life is too short and time is too precious to have petty drama within our innermost circle. The science of social networks proves that we are influenced by the people we spend time with; happy friends make you happier, and kind friends make you kinder. If our friends are our future, mine is looking bright.

This year on National Best Friend Day, I’ll be raising a glass to my besties and looking forward to all the heart-to-hearts, bottles of wine, inside jokes, and escapades to come.

The Recipe for Friendship Success

Moms say honesty, humor and trust are essential for a successful modern-day friendship.