
Reality TV is Not Doing Wonders for Our Mental Health as Moms

Reality TV Doesnβt Accurately Reflect People or Society
For millennials around my age, reality TV is a fixture amongst entertainment options. The genreβs heyday across networks began in the early 2000s and has since grown into an immense televised circus of celebrity antics, competition shows, and voyeurism that dominates the ratings. Some of it bears enough self-awareness to keep us from taking it too seriously; on a rational level, we all know itβs far from an accurate representation of reality. And yet itβs not called βheavily edited and also surprisingly scriptedβ TV; the presumption β and the pressure β are baked right into the name.Β
By definition, realityΒ TV aims to follow people who are billed as being βjust like usβ as theyβre thrust into unusual social scenarios (The Bachelor, 2002-present), as they navigate competition (Survivor, 2000-present), or as they simply go about their lives (Keeping Up with the Kardashians, 2007-2021). The participants, weβre told, are completely relatable. But how often does that turn out to be true?
Evidence suggests that women have a greater tendency to engage in comparisons than men β particularly body comparisons β andΒ a 2012Β studyΒ noted that womenβs comparisons are overwhelmingly self-critical. When we watch reality TV, weβre not an unaffected audience; we turn one womanβs βrealityβ (or whatever is deftly presented as reality) into a benchmark against which to measure ourselves. And, barring theΒ unlikelyΒ possibility that we have an at-home makeup artist, hairdresser, nanny, nutritionist, and round-the-clock personal trainer, we believe we come up short.
Naturally, not all reality TV shows are createdΒ equal; some have truly brought well-deserved success to participants and productive inspiration to viewers.Β American IdolΒ (2002-present) has given us multiple Grammy winners, an Academy Award winner, and an Emmy winner.Β The Great British Baking ShowΒ (2010-present) proves that reality shows donβt need uglyΒ inter-personalΒ conflict to succeed and that waiting for someoneβs cake to rise can be the adrenaline ride of a lifetime.


Motherhood is Already a Vulnerable Time; Reality TV Doesnβt Help
In our proclivity to compare ourselves to others, we willingly pick ourselves apart, downplaying the unique gifts and strengths we do have and amplifying the importance of whatever we donβt. Add to this tendency the bombardment of millions of moms with the powerful messaging that women are βdesignedβ to build and raise humans, that doing this most βnaturalβ of things will empower us, that we need to look and feel radiant while providing perfectly plated nutrition and artfully designed brain-stimulating activities. Whether weβre seeing it on HGTV, the Food Network or TLC, a vision of idealized motherhood, femininity andΒ home-makingΒ only hurts moms. We inevitably walk away feeling like whatever weβre doing is not enough.
Itβs easy to take so-called βrealityβ with a grain of salt when Kim fromΒ Keeping Up with the KardashiansΒ lets slip the $75,000+ price tag on Chicago Westβs new crib. In no version of circumstances would I deem such an expense a necessity. But there are other moments in which the pressure feels a little subtler, a little more pervasive, and a little harder to separate from our expectations for ourselves.Β
SurelyΒ IβmΒ not the only one who tunes into an episode ofΒ TheΒ BachelorΒ only toΒ squintΒ at the single mom of the seasonΒ emergingΒ from the hot tub with a flawless physique and wonder where I went wrong. Canβt I just believe in the quest for love on a Monday night without berating myself for not βgetting my body backβ fast enough?Β From whence did this biology-defying notionΒ emerge, and why must I contend with yet anotherΒ externally imposedΒ standardΒ with no bearing on my ability to be a good mom?